It's funny how life never follows a clear path. Well, maybe funny is the wrong term to use. I've been battling multiple sclerosis and tackling single parenting for years, and it just seems that sometimes it gets the better of me. Hence, no real consistency with getting this website up and running.
I had big dreams for a bit. I had my business license and ideas floating in my head. I had time to kill and lots of quiet to work in.
Somehow that quiet took a turn for the worse and left me feeling like it is time to just put some dreams to rest and relax for a while.
I let the city and state know I'm no longer operating a business and don't need that license anymore.
I just started letting go of what isn't working for me anymore.
Everyone that knows me seems to tell me that I'm a strong person. But sometimes even strong people need to know when to say "no" or admit something isn't working. Sometimes it is easier to dream when you know someone has your back and is there to support you. When it is quiet, it is hard to keep that momentum going. I'm almost an empty-nester with my son planning on leaving for college in 2 years.
At the end of the day, it's almost easier to just grab a book and slip into a cozy chair and get lost in another world.
I've slowly been letting go of the life I have now and working towards finding some comfort and peace despite the struggles. I've been emptying out my home office and quilting studio. I've lost that little desire to make my home a cozy, decorated haven.
I've finally admitted that multiple sclerosis + stairs + me = trouble. One too many falls. So my son and I are downsizing and looking at apartments instead of owning my own home.
I've also slowed down on my quilting these day. Mostly because I'm probably headed a few degrees on the wrong trajectory with uncertainty and doubt. At least that is what someone opined during a conversation a couple weeks ago. They also added that I'm an "isolating hermit," but that's intentional and very much a part of living with multiple sclerosis.
As I empty out more rooms and let go of some of the hopes and goals I had, I see the possibility of a clean slate to work with. That also comes with more uncertainty and doubt. But it is before me and something to look forward to. Life forces us to continue to move forward, even when we have to leave what we thought we really wanted in the past. There is always the promise of something new ahead, even when it can't be seen.
I will always have a quilt in a hoop to hand stitch away the hours, or a shelf full of books waiting to be read. However, I think for the time being, I'll let my big dreams take a break and just enjoy the simplicity of a quiet life of simple stitches, crossword puzzles, and getting lost in those books.
Likely, I'll adjust this site to use it as a gallery for my quilts, but I think the time has come to just let go of the rest. Time will tell for anything more than that.
Thank you for the encouragement along the way. It was enjoyable and very much appreciated.