I seem to have more big dreams than there are hours in the day.
I was slowly moving things over from my previous website to this one, but it hasn't been a smooth transition by any means. And right now, my heart just isn't in it. I'm still trying to decide if keeping up with things online is worth the time I'd need to invest.
Being a single parent working full-time and living with multiple sclerosis is challenging, even now that my son is older when I'd expected it'd be easier. At the end of the day, really what I want to do is make dinner, tidy up the kitchen, and then wind down with a book or a quilt in a hoop, reading or hand quilting my evening hours away.
With some big home projects and some upcoming medical stuff, I think I'll be slowing down the pace of getting some tutorials posted. And it actually feels good to say, "hey, this isn't working for me at this stage in life," and not trying to force it to fit.
It's always a weird spot when I've spent so long plotting and planning dreams and goals, and then have to admit that it just isn't a good fit for where I'm at. I thought the holidays were a perfect time to disappear and work on my Christmas projects and take time to really rethink where I'm going.
Part of my problem is that I've got a very black or white, rigid personality that isn't too great at seeing the big picture. I'm either all in or not in, so moderation isn't my strong suit. This year I've had to let go of some of the things I've thought were so important. Accordingly, I start second guessing all my other plans. Because when I'm certain something is right and find out that it isn't, then I wonder which other decisions I'm making are all wonky.
I probably just spend too much time in my head.
But I'm happy there.
And I can sit and quilt, have my personal debates and planning sessions, and it's me. More so than trying to force self-imposed deadlines and projects to share my world with other people.
I really decided that what I want to do is get quilts in the hands of the people I've been making them for, just in case more things don't work out as planned.
That takes time. More time than I care to admit.
I'm an especially slow stitcher.
So if I disappear for a while, or only drop in to vent a little something or other, or post a picture or two of my latest finish, it's because I seem to paralyze myself with uncertainty of decisions and dreams, and I'm at one of those points in life where I'm not sure where I'm headed.
The one thing I know for certain is that when nothing else in life is coming together, those quiet evenings of stitching hold my world together.